How to Keep Your Job

So, you got your dream job and you can’t wait to go to work and make a good impression (and a lot of money.) Whether you’re a lifeguard at the local pool, a waitress at your favorite restaurant, a clerk at the video store or a camp counselor, there are a few things you absolutely should not do if you want to remain gainfully employed. Avoid the following faux pas and you might just gain a wonderful reference for your resume:

1. Do not show up for of work wearing a holey, smelly, sweat-stained t-shirt and jeans that haven’t been washed in three months and look more brown than blue.

2. Do not wake up to your alarm, decide it looks too nice outside to be stuck at work all day and expect your boss to believe you when you tell him you thought it was your day off.

3. Do not go to work with an entire pack of gum in your mouth and say “Gaaaaw Mawwwnnninnnngg, Baaahhs,” when you pass your boss in the hall.

4. Even though dying your hair bright orange seemed like the perfect thing to do on Friday night with your friends, don’t show up to work with your new ‘do’ if you don’t want to risk being sent home.

5. When your boss comments on your slicked-back hairstyle, don’t tell her it’s shiny because you haven’t washed your hair in three weeks.

6. She may be your best friend in the whole world, but even so, you can’t take her to work with you to keep you company.

7. Even if Mrs. Jones is back for the fifth day in a row and is still wearing the same ill-fitting, flowery outfit, laughing and pointing at the store’s most loyal customer is not acceptable. Help the customers. Don’t make fun of them.

8. Don’t come back after a two hour lunch when you were only supposed to take 30 minutes and tell your boss that you just couldn’t miss out on the best hours of sunlight to keep up your tan.

9. Do not be surprised if, after spewing a string of obscenities when you drop a tray full of glasses, your boss tells you not to bother coming in tomorrow or ever again.

10. Even though you’re working in an office, you’ll still need to buy your own school supplies come fall. The boss will probably notice if you start taking home a collection of company pens and pencils. Rule of thumb: Don’t take anything from your place of work unless the boss tells you to.

11. Don’t waltz into work each morning 30 minutes after you were supposed to get there and act like you have no idea you’re late. And don’t let yourself be late so often that you start recycling excuses—that’s just pathetic.

12. Nobody will believe that you get sick once a week on Friday, so don’t even think about calling in again and taking a long weekend to drive to the lake.

There are surely other ways to mess up at work, but if you are polite, respectful, neatly dressed and on time, you should be in good shape. Keeping a job is not a hard thing to do as long as you take it seriously and use some common sense.